A Genuine Confession

In some ways I’m glad most porn games are terrible, because I don’t know what I’d do when I run across a good one.

In as much as the fact that I do play them, I have to confess. This entry isn’t titled “A Genuine Repentance” because I don’t know how I’m going to get to that stage, yet. Believe it or not, I am on the way there and I think it’s a place I want to be, and it is nice to not feel terrible after spending an hour which amounts to a total waste. Ah well, I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning.

Faith is like a seed, but so is temptation. When I not only download (another thing I am slowly working away with), but play a porn game, it means that I’m probably:

  • Bored.
  • Not just that, but have something better to do, and is being a bit escapist.
  • And I’m not suppose to be playing it (cos I won’t get myself into a position where I am supposed to…? With maybe one exception of playing it because I’m doing someone a favor.)

But that is just the rational reasons. In as much I am shameless enough to blog about this in public, the point I wanted to make is that I don’t really think it’s good for me to play porn games. In one sense, I am doing so out of my respect of advice of others. In another sense, I do it as a dare to myself in overcoming sensualism. Black Lagoon shouldn’t compel me even if it is really compelling, should I choose to resist. Purity of mind is not just an ideal state, it is holiness and a desire. If I have the choice to yield my soul to God or to devil, I should have the choice to not yield to either, at least being able to maintain the illusion thereof. I don’t really care much in reality what happens when I do give in, but philosophically it just seems to be a prudent idea to not to give in. The little bit of logical reasons to not to give in pushes it over.

On the other hand, there is no deny in the “high” one could get through the right kind of porn. Women would not be able to seduce men if that was not the case, God forbid, and for the sake of gender equality some men likewise will fall to this vice (for the sake of argument). World economy will shrink in crazy numbers. People will fall out of jobs, entire industries dying and marketing has to rethink and reinvent itself. I suppose that’s not all bad, but in a greater sense porn has its place in the world.

In as much as all good things comes from God (again, for the sake of argument), some things are better than others. Perhaps it is all just an exercise to know what is better and to not give those up for things less. That’s just one take on the matter, I know, but it’s awfully close to where I stand on it.

I suppose if I am to confess I ought to come clean with it. First, I did play a porn game just today, and I enjoyed it. It compelled me to blog this confession partly because I feel the need to voice out, in the sea of general acceptance of this kind of things amongst the fans, that some people choose to draw the line at this place. However, partly I blog about it out of its goodness. In our fallen world truths are often half-truths, a whisper of praise and recognition of a bad thing may stand in honest and purity. Like shiitake on cow dong. By recognizing that it is good I have to do the game creators the least that I could do: link to them.

The real confession, and conviction comes, from that ultimately if I were to play by the rules I outlined above I will always be shackled to things that I despise. Fairness and goodness demand it. In the chain reaction of half-truths and broken but beautiful things, I have learned to love it. It is probably a greater sin in that.

Of course, thankfully, you all know the answer to that Catch 22, RIGHT?

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