Things I Learned From Anime: Spring 2011 Edition

Good ideas:

  • It’s not okay to catch giant salamanders in the stream, naked.

  • You can beat yourself up over your inner weakness, not because it makes you weak but because it makes you want to kiss some video game nerd.

  • It’s always good to pay Matsurika.

  • Don’t visit your elementary school at night.

  • Don’t run inside a supermarket.

  • Be nice to the crêpe lady.

  • To modulate the smell of your fart, do it in the bath.

  • You don’t just eat meat, you defeat it.

  • Ninja Warriors are better than normal wars.

  • Segues make great weapon platforms.

Bad ideas:

  • To neutralize someone much stronger than you, take away their favorite field hockey stick. It will make them totally weak. (inb4 Sket Dance is a much better magical girl subversion than Madoka.)

  • It’s okay to call your girl your asset. In fact only winners do this.

  • The world is a much better place if crazy people wrapped themselves in futons.

  • As long as you provide insightful examination to the inner qualities of the real-life individuals, it’s okay to write them into your slash light erotica.

  • You can get away with fake yuri breast-sucking as long as you are a magical boy in drag, in an all-girls school. (This one isn’t so bad isn’t it.)

  • Virtual reality makes you learn stuff faster.

  • It’s okay to carve graffiti into things you don’t own as long as you are a little kid.

  • Chasing a wild monkey will lead you to fateful encounters.

  • Physical touching makes a strong first impression. Be sure to poke that person’s face.

  • Hire your shoujo manga editors based on their looks.

  • Drink Pepsi Nex.

  • Combine a prison with an amusement park.

Special Madoka Bonus Idea:

  • Madoka Died For Your Sins.

Happy Easter? I guess? LOLOL whoever thought Madoka had anything to do with Good Friday LOLOLOL. I am missing a few shows, so forgive me. In fact I am still not done with watching ep1 of all the shows I want to check out…

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