Sins of a Search Engine Empire, And a Story about Copywriting

I kind of like how Nisioisin names his books with his funny portmanteaus. “Ghostory” and the like, you know. The game “Sins of a Solar Empire” had a striking name, as it stuck with me, being a light fan of the 4X genre, so I was wondering if I could make it work in this blog post. I guess not.

I’m basically mourning the death of Google Reader Shared Item. I am basically mourning the disappearance of the records that birthed the best thing that anyone can quote and put on the DVD copy of Okami-san. Okami-san is a FUNimation license in North America. Okami-san is a story also called Ōkami-san to Shichinin no Nakamatachi. Like, about that untranslatable word about something or another anime/light novel nonsense, Okami-san is also known for her Endless Pleasure Sticks.

The concept “Endless Pleasure Sticks” is worth noting because it’s a set of words that resonates. Ever take a tuning fork (like an F) and just whack it around? It sounds good. Or rather, it sounds just like a note, nothing more (depending on what you whacked it on). That’s what it is like.  That’s why it’s worth calling it out. That’s why it makes a good, uh, measuring stick.

So the other day I got this in the mail. I was slightly surprised (and way more amused) to see a quote from the Nihon Review–a proper website with anime reviews and indexed and what not that–in my mail. I guess I confuse it with the “staff blog” sometimes, which is where all the interesting stuff happens. Upon some more reflection it occurred to me that whoever was working for RS on behalf of Funi is actually just going on the internet and looking up “good” sites with proper “hay we peddle reviews” criteria for quotes. Contrary to what I posted, NHRV isn’t really a “blog” per se. Still, seeing it got me thinking.

I mean, if I was the copywriter, I would totally put “Endless Pleasure Sticks” on the back of the thing. It would be the best quote any copywriter can put on a copy of Okami-san DVD. It would induced me to purchase it. I mean, doesn’t it just intrigue you? And I think it’s infinitely more classy than any three words that ever came out of, say, these people. Alas, the back-room joke now will forever be back-room; it will never be on the cover of a mediocre late-night anime adaptation of a light novel, never see the light of the day, or the dim glow of a gigantic warehouse.

I mean, let’s be honest with ourselves. This is the cover of Funi’s DVD/BD box set and the cover volume 1 of the Japanese DVD/BD release. You can ignore the red circle pointing out how Funi “censored” the artwork if you wish. But if a picture is worth a thousand words, well, you can write “Endless Pleasure Sticks” about three hundred and thirty four times and it would be worth just as much as that picture. And you won’t even need to photoshop anything.

And since I started out blaming Google, why don’t I end it the same way? If Google’s search was smart enough to realize that any copywriter would want to see those three words used to describe our titular heroine, why doesn’t it give it to said writer? If GRSI wasn’t deprecated I could’ve linked you to the said juicy goodness. Disappointing internet gods, that lot.

7 Responses to “Sins of a Search Engine Empire, And a Story about Copywriting”

  • Draneor

    That’s interesting that FUNi censored the R1 DVD cover. But it’s hard to get worked up about it (given I already own it).

  • omo

    It is, you are right. It’s the subtlety of it that is more alarming than what they actually did, too. And it’s not even really about the principle of the thing or anything.

  • fencedude

    Ryouko has delicious thighs and covering any of them is a travesty.

    …also, its reaching the point already where the only thing I have clear memories of for the show (other than Ryouko’s thighs) are Ringo being hilariously gay and the awesome Arai Satomi narration. I’m sure in another year or so I’ll struggle for anything past “that fairy tale show with Kuroko narrating”.

    Oh, subject at hand…I…don’t really have much of a thought other than “Endless Pleasure Sticks” is a truly delicious bit of phrase. Hats off to Otou-san for that.

  • omo

    I think a “thigh” at some point becomes “knee” or “butt” and that was a judgment call FUNi made.

  • Mushyrulez

    I thought this post was about Okami, since Ookami-san was so 2010 (and was… uh, if you’ll excuse me, pretty crappy to boot. boot isn’t a pun). Not sure where you’re going with this post, but with Internet culture expanding as it is, who knows if we won’t see professionals use amateur reviews in the future? I think that’s what you’re trying to say, your posts are either too confusing or too advanced for me :v

  • omo

    Nah, what I’m trying to say is by the time pros start farming amateur reviews, they would have already disappeared. Or rather, if you want the best marketing squeak, you gotta look far and wide.

    Actually all that is pretext just so I can talk about Endless Pleasure Sticks.

  • ToastCrust

    I came for the Sins name drop, stayed for the endless pleasure sticks.

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